Tricks For You: New 200+ Funny Facebook Status Updates 2014

Interested in updating your funny FACEBOOK status regularly?????But what to do if you do not get any funny Facebook status every day???

If you are thinking that you can't get funny Facebook status regularly then you are wrong because if you are running out of funny FACEBOOK status then just check out the post below as in this post I have mentioned 200+ funny Facebook status by which you can easily update your Facebook and can receive multiple notifications on your funny Facebook status.

So read ahead and grab your favorite funny FACEBOOK status ENJOY!!!

I've spent my whole life trying to maintain my integrity. That didn't work. How do I sell out?

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

I’d say fair market value for most of my stuff is somewhere between “too cheap to sell on ebay” and “too nice to throw away yet”

When do we start voting each other off?

I love to tell someone there's a typo in their status when there isn't and watch them slowly lose their mind.

Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army

Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.

Why aren't they called asteroids instead of hemorrhoids???

Deadpool should merge with the Carnage symbiote. Then he'd be called, Carpool.

Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.

If we were all a little more sensitive we'd be asking "How's Waldo?"

If you’re going to hire a moving company, make them all play Tetris first and choose the one who gets the highest score.

It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn't nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...

If this country gets any fatter we’re going to have to put another notch in the Bible Belt

Who named them nostrils instead of scent vents?

How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?

"You the bomb" "Know you the bomb" Kind gesture in America, Argument in the Middle East.

I'm completely outraged over the latest thing in the news that'll blow over in 3 days and we'll all forget even happened in a month.

At what age do you stop sniffing your kid's crotch to see if they wet themselves? Because my mom is out of control with that...

Tips to reduce weight: turn your head to the right, now to the left... now repeat this procedure every time you're offered something to eat.

Sure vitamins are expensive but at least there's no proof that they work.

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Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

Only diabetics can enjoy the full effect of Lifesavers

You're either part of the solution, or you're one of my coworkers.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So let's just agree now...

Relationships are weird. "You're funny and smart" eventually turns to "you think you know everything and everything is a joke to you".

Mermaids swim by twerking...Do you ever just think about that?

The royal baby was honored with a 41-gun salute today. Unfortunately, it happened right after Kate finally got him to sleep.

Watched five movies on Netflix last night and now my "recommended for you" queue is "pay some bills" and "clean the bathroom"

You don't realize how inappropriate your favorite TV show is until your mom comes in to watch it with you.

I don't understand why people get angry when someone breaks up with them by text. I used to break up with people by never talking to them again.

Exciting news: Duchess Kate has gone into labor; this marks the first time anyone in the Royal family has been connected to the word labor.

So what do women say when they're actually fine?

Hello Fire Department? Is this Mr. December? I'm stuck in a tree. I mean, Meow...

Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.

With the advances of technology these days how come no one has invented a tampon that is like a turkey timer that just pops up when it's done?

Shout out to old people since graduating high school without Google.

I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than you can handle

Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.

I defy you to see a motorcycle with a sidecar and still be in a bad mood.

I gave her four orgasms but they were all mine.

I want to give up coffee, but I'd hate to do that to my coworkers.

Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.

The phone said "Call Failed", but I thought it was going quite well.

I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

I got arrested for growing weed in my back yard, but I was framed. The evidence was planted.

Jay-Z basically makes 4 minute radio commercials for watches, cars and clothes.

People die every year in vending machine accidents. How are we still at the top of the food chain?

I can almost always tell when a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

Without coffee, I'm just a really tall 2 year old.

I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren't there.

The rest of the country calls it a "crime ring". In New England, it's called a "huddle".

Dear Saturday, you and I have been friends for a long time. I wish you would come around more often. Once a week isn't enough

My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I've only got 40 pounds to go.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?

Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster so you can see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting?

If there isn't a Chinese millionaire that's changed their name to Cha Ching, then I don't see the point of money.

They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...

The only thing worse than the one that got away is the one that won't go away.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.

I named my dog "5 miles". That way I can tell people "I walk 5 miles every day!"

Either that was a firework, or another Tribute is dead!

The Fourth of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.

Why does everyone want me to come out of my comfort zone? I worked really hard to get there.

I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food anymore. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.

If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I'd love to help you cook.

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you'll ever hear. Unless it's 3 AM, you're home alone, and you don't have a baby.

Diet status: smelling the maple syrup on someone else's plate.

Full House had the whitest tanners in California.

How to discipline your child: 1. Politely ask them to stop. 2. Yell. 3. Yell louder. 4. Repeat yourself 74 times. 5. Give up and drink.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments Running away *will* solve my problems. My weight problems.

Does running out of money count as exercise?

When books were first invented I'll bet some people would pretentiously say, I liked the book but the traveling storyteller was much better.

Honestly, I've never seen anyone fall because of a banana peel.

I don't like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really!? You think someone else might want one?!

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love. Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.

Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him.

"You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?" - No. I'd hit him with knuckles.

There's never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."

I'm not saying Burger King is slow, but I ordered the Angry Whopper & by the time I got it we were on speaking terms again.

An easy way to "have your cake and eat it, too" is to buy two cakes.

Home is where your wi-fi connects automatically.

Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.

It's too bad growing dandelions doesn't mean you are a master gardener, because I'm excellent at it.

Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who's car I'm borrowing.

My ex is going to make someone very happy one day but completely miserable the rest of the time.

A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I'm dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant

Compromise - An agreement whereby both parties received what neither of them wanted.

Escalators can never break down, they are only temporarily stairs.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

Dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening, Facebook like the NSA doesn't exist..

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..

I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.

Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored of Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. It's an endless cycle..

My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

Doctors finally figured out what's wrong with a boy's brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition..

Your eye is the only part you can not wash with soap.

One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.

You cannot get lost on a straight road.

When I was born I was so surprised, I didn't talk for a year and a half..

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

Life is too short, smile while you still have teeth.

Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she damn well pleases!

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!

If swimming is an exerciser explain whales to me.

I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..

I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

Even if you live your life as an open book, people will still wonder which pages have secret messages.

For every girl without a guy, there`s a guy without a girl.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

You`re beautiful until you Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

The awkward moment when you know you shouldn`t laugh, but you do..

I am a star, so when you see me, make a wish.

I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house.

That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.

Money doesn`t bring happiness, but shopping deals..

I`m not single. I`m in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

Bhagwan ji agar sun rhe ho toh, ek question poochna tha... . .Mere liye bhi koi 'Awwww' krne wali bnayi h ya bhool gaye... :]Y

God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks..

That moment when the Teacher says, "Those who aren't interested can leave the class" But Still you can't leave the classroom..

I'm Pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder...!!

Freedom of speech is lost when you get into a relationship and she is beautiful..!

Checking your phone when someone is talking to you is a modern way of showing disrespect..!!

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

Never argue with an idiot. People watching won't be able to tell the difference....

You're not fat, you're just.. Easier to see.

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

I make fun of life because I am too afraid to take it seriously.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.

Scratch here: ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status

Just finished deleting some friends on Facebook, if you can read this then you got lucky.

I never make the same mistake twice. Three, maybe four times. But never twice.

Good friends will bail you out of jail. Best friends will be sitting in the cell with you, laughing about how awesome that just was.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you ………… “Pay The bill”

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who’s in a hurry?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

I don’t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

Bitch also stands for beautiful, intelligent, talented and charming human being.

You don't realize how many clothes you have, until you wash them.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill. How irresponsible people are.

Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.

Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they will leave you too. Sincerely, ORKUT

The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

Dear math, I'm therapist not so solving your own problems.

We love Facebook but we hate the face of the book.

I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent :)

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients :)

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lolz

The question of the Day: When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren’t you a waiter?

Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday :)

Congratulations … You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something :)

The girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.

Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. :)

Admit it, you listen to other strangers' conversations and mentally give your opinion.

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

Silence is the best answer to all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

Years of education , solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before the glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” :)

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless you are fat..

Secrets Of Pizza, Pasta, Burger, French Fries:……."Few moments on your Lips, Forever on your Hips.":

Fact1: You cannot touch Your lower lip with your tongue… Fact2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it.

If people winked in real life as much as they wink in text, this world would be a very creepy place.

90% of women don’t like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don’t like women.

My boss just said to me “You’ve been late five days this week… do you know what that means?” I certainly do – it’s FRIDAY!

Kidnapping? I prefer the term “surprise adoption”.

It’s not hotter this year. It’s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.

This is the time every night where I try to convince myself that I will feel even better with 5 hours of sleep rather than 6.

Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens for Pizza emergencies

Weirdness is a side effect of awesome.

If I got paid to write witty funny statuses I would not be typing this right now.

I hope you will surely enjoy these funny Facebook status. If you have any other funny Facebook status in your mind then please mention in comments.